Heya folks. This is Katie typing for Bri, so if there's any mistakes it's my fault not hers (you can decide about the antecedents).

The completely new fascinating extraordinary hard-wearing long-lasting story:

Characters:

• Maid -- Joselyn Franks
• Carriage driver -- Louis Stein
• Butler -- Led Fred (Now know as Dead Led Fred, due to the fact that he is dead. Or, rather, was dead. He is now a zombie)
• Cook -- Mrs. Emma Franks
• Gardner -- Herb Greene

Basic plot: Dracula has left his castle (to move to Florida and join the Light Side), but his servants still remain. Parody of horror movies ensues.

And now to the story!

~~~

"Dear Dead Led Fred," the letter began, "I fear I harbor sorrowing news. As thou slumbered through reality and drifted off into death, thine son Not Dead Led Fred hath fallen upon the darkest of times. No longer doth he see the vibrancy of life; it is but the stark grayness that haunts him now. His true love hath abandoned him for another, and his horse hath died. Please send replacements.

Yours in utter admiration, love, &tc.,

You Know, Her"

Louis looked up from the letter. "Been readin' too many romances, has she?"

Dear Dead Led Fred sighed. "Yoooooou shoooould heeeear heeer taaaaaaalk."

"Austen's really done a number on 'er, eh?"

"Yeeeeeeeeesssssh."

"Is she really called 'You Know, Her'?"

"It's reeeeeallly Wilaaaaaamenaaaaa Annaaaaabel Loreeeen Haaarrrrts Wiiiiimble Daaaarrrrvis the teeeeeenth, but I maaaade her chaaaange it to saaaave iiiiink."

"So what're y' gonna do?"

D.L.F shrugged resignedly and tossed the letter on the fire. "Whaaaat caaaan I doooo?"